michelleponders

One of the hardest things in the world to do is take care of elderly parents when they no longer can take care of themselves. And when I say elderly I mean 70+. The only other thing harder than that is when a spouse or parent develops dementia or Alzheimer’s disease. I am dealing with basically a toddler that won’t ever grow up. My elderly mom has Alzheimer’s disease. As I have watched over the past 2 years, her mental capacity has really dwindled. She struggles to remember what day of the week it is, much less the calendar date. She can’t remember doctor appointments. She doesn’t remember how to use the microwave. She has no sense of time whatsoever. She forgets she can’t smoke in the house or that nobody else smokes. She struggles with remembering how to make a cup of coffee since we don’t make pots of coffee. She’s the only one who drinks coffee all through out the day. So to save money and coffee, we make it one cup at a time. Plus you get a fresh cup every time. But that just doesn’t compute with her.

Now, she has developed some pretty big health issues that are requiring her to go to see specialists. I have been lucky thus far that my job has been working with me, as these doctor appointments are scheduled to where they have been inside the 2 week requirement or later for time off requests. She has peripheral vascular disease in both legs that is involving the aorta. This has led to other health issues that will require surgery. Needless to say, mom can’t keep up with what’s happening and which doctor she is seeing and it has led to all kinds of confusion. But I do my best to keep her up to date on just the current day and what events will take place.

I will not lie. I’m watching what Alzheimer’s is doing to her mind and it’s just ugly. Watching someone who thinks they still have a home to go to(when they are home, your home) in another state but can’t remember how that got back to the current state of residence is maddening. Two years ago and beyond, she knew she no longer lived in another state and she is home and she remembered moving here. And if she finally get something straight in her head, once she goes to sleep, it’s like everything is reset and the confusion and questions start all over again. Some days are better than others though. She’ll remember what channel her favorite shows are on or how to actually turn on the tv and use the remote.

I’m a homebody for the most part so unless I’m at work, I’m usually home with her. But I do like to get out from time to time and go to a concert or a comicon. But leaving someone with Alzheimer’s alone for hours at a time is certainly not a good idea. And going out of town over night is definitely out of the question. Days to myself to do what I want to do rarely happen anymore. I’m usually cleaning urine from the floor (sometimes poop too), making coffee, making sure she eats, takes her medicine, fielding questions that are asked over and over again amongst other issues that arise. There’s always something that’s being cleaned everyday.

I’m a Gen Xer and my parents are Baby Boomers. When my mom was growing up, there was still women in the family who didn’t work outside the home and could help in taking care of the sick and elderly family members. People also didn’t live as long either. Today, most women work outside the home. We are also living longer. So now we depend on programs for the elderly that Medicare might pay for to help in caring for the elderly and sick. Problem is that there isn’t enough money in these programs to help with the aging population. And God forbid an elderly family member develops health issues such as Alzheimer’s cause there is barely any help and when you do find a program to help, they are usually maxed out on the Medicare patients they can take into care. The family is usually stuck paying for care out of pocket and it is expensive. Most families can’t afford out of pocket care. So the family is stuck trying to juggle work, their own family which usually includes children, and caring for an elderly family member who ends up being stuck by themselves for hours at a time. I am grateful that my kids are grown. But trying to juggle work, mom’s care and doctor appointments leave me running on fumes. I also have my own health issues to deal with and don’t always get the opportunity to allow my body to rest and recoup. It certainly isn’t a good combination.

But I will keep going because there is no one else to care for mom. I am her only child so this all falls on me. I am beyond grateful that my husband is so understanding and helps when he can. My oldest also helps as he can. So we, as a family, will care for mom til it is no longer feasible or God calls her home. It’s all we can do as we watch her mind and body deteriorate.