michelleponders

There is an old saying: do not judge until you have walked a mile in someone’s shoes. And when it comes to being caregiver, there has never been a saying more true. Caregiving is not for the faint of heart and is one of the hardest things that you can ever do. Being a caregiver to an elderly or disabled family member can be rewarding and also chaotic. Then add health issues to the mix and there will be days that you wonder when it will all end.

I have been reading about Emma Willis, Bruce Willis’s wife, making the decision to separate Bruce from the family into a different home where there will be 24 hour help with his care. The backlash that Emma received was overwhelming and down right ugly. Bruce Willis has frontal temporal dementia. There are different types of dementia and each one comes with its own set of issues. The fact is, Bruce’s FTD had probably gotten to the point that she knew she could not do 24 hour care anymore and had to make the hard decision. It is not an easy decision to make. Plus, they have 2 preteen daughters who need structure and routine to meet their needs. And while the girls spend time with their dad everyday, the girls need to be able to get away from the chaos of dementia. Emma is being pulled into 2 worlds. The girls need her more and if Bruce were able to talk and his brain was not failing him, he would probably tell Emma to do what is best for the girls.

For 7 years I was my mother’s caregiver. The first 5 years were fine. Then we started to notice things. The first thing that became a huge issue was my mother’s concept of time. She started burning food whether it was on the stove top, in the oven, or microwave. Mother started to believe that it was early in the day when it was actually evening. She started forgetting what time and when her favorite shows came on. And if she had an appointment, I had to stay on her like a child in order to get her out of the door on time. Now, 2 1/2 years later, I had to make the same decision to place my mother. My mother was placed in memory care last month. My mother is completely incontinent. She can not be left alone or she will wander. She is a huge fall risk. She can not dress herself, can not make meals for herself and repeats herself a lot when she is aggravated. She has forgotten how to use the tv remote and has to be given her medicine and watched to make sure she takes it. And when asked where she lives, she will tell you in Mississippi. She has not lived in Mississippi in 14 years! And that is just the icing on the cake.

I can not stay home to care for here. I also have health issues of my own that have have started to make it difficult to stand or walk for long periods of time. And getting her off the floor when she falls or just changing her had become more that I can do. I have to work. And my job does not care if I have an elderly mother with dementia to care for at home. We can not afford to pay for caregivers at home to make sure she would not go out of the front door and disappear. I prayed and prayed for a solution. That solution came in placing mother in memory care last month. Did I feel guilty? At first, yes. Then the care center called me a few times about issues they were dealing with and how they would handle them and God let me know I made the right decision. The care center is able to take care of my mother in ways I was not able. And before any one wonders, there is no other family to help with her care. Mother has outlived everyone in her family and I am her only child. So, yes, add that to the mix as well.

I applaud and completely understand what Emma has endured and the decisions she has been forced to make. My heart and prayers are with her and her family.